I am the shade between Light and Darkness

Light and Darkness
I am the shade between light and darkness. I am where everyone hides when defeated and hurt. I am where everyone resided to recover. I have no discrimination, and no need for repaying my graciousness. I am here to be the support that everyone needs.

Attention Whore
I am an attention whore, and I admit to be one. Some attention whores sell their whoring intentions, but are afraid of criticisms. They want to be appreciated, noticed, and complimented even with little contributions. They want to be sympathized when they are whining about minor annoyances. Yet when they are called out, they become annoyed and defensive. It is pathetic to a degree that I am ashamed to see.

Seraphim
I am an angel - a seraphim, one who is a shining blaze. All but one hails to me. Else the dark ashes they become. Kneel! And I shall forgive all your sin. Rise! And I shall make you my precious servants. Trite and tainted creatures, do not doubt and disbelieve. Or the tormenting fire will set you burning eternally.

Change
I am the change that many hate. I am the future that many fear. I give no safety or promises. I only show a path of adventure. I am not going to do things myself. Instead, ones who want me will need to have me done. I am the change that everyone talks about. I am the change that everyone needs. But when time comes, I am the change that everyone avoids.

Conscience
I am the conscience that is been missing among the race. Fools can't undertand me, and smarts can't stand me. But it is okay, I am just an outdated concept for all I care.

Cockroaches
I am a cockroach that crawls in your kitchen and your trash. I am the one that you want to step or spray on. You hate me. You hate my look. You hate the germs that I carry. But the true fact is: You hate me for being more useful to the nature than you are. You are just jealous of me, the cockroach.

Discrimination
I am that word that you don't want to be involved with. I am that word that you feel shameful of. I am that word you hide its concept in your heart yet express none. When you see a cracker, a nigger, a chink, a jap, a fag, a whore, an old person, a european, a hippie, a redneck, a tranny, a muslim, a hindu, a christian, or street bums, I am the hatred that pops up in your mind. You will say beautiful words to disguise your disgusting mind. You are a two-faced coward. You try to convince yourself that you are a good person, yet my presence will continue to remind you otherwise.

Over

I see
my doubts
clouding me
and put me down.
Getting weak,
backing down,
I fear,
I feel drowned.

Yet
I reach deep,
and find a bit strength.
That may just be what I need.

Set,
I am ready,
stick it to them
and set myself free.

I am over it-
over my shortcoming
Though I could lose everything,
I will keep on trying, til I am dying.

Growing Up

Blades of greens clashed
in the wailing wind and
found no shelter to hide
from the tears of the sky.
The beating marches on
and destruction has begun.
Violently, the rips and rapes
violate them nights and days.
No hopes, no end,
Everything turns from green to gray.

Tell Me

What do you believe and why does it make sense to you? I am wondering, and am wondering out loud. I am not confused, but rather intrigued. How can anyone believes in anything for sure? That being said, why do people believe in justice so much when so many people gets screwed over just because they are poor? Why do we believe in it? What makes us believe in it? That being said, why do we believe in karma? Why do we believe in anything other than a potential consequence of our action? Tell me, but don't convince me. I will believe you as I can.

There are so many things that are unbelievable, including things we cling on the most. Love, hope, destiny, ambition, kindness, just to name a few. Why do we believe in vague concepts? Why do we feel like these things are needed, in order to sustain our life? We are just animals, just another species on this planet. Shouldn't we be following the rule of nature - survival, and stay in harmony with our surroundings? Tell me, but don't convince me. I will believe you just because I can.

There are many things that we hate. Animals, plants, objects, emotion, you name it. But how do we hate something that doesn't hate back? Why do we spend time to waste such energy on such meaningless things? Are beavers really bad for the environment? Are hyenas really evil? Are swamps really dangerous to human? Why do we feel that way? Can we just accept what everything lives as it is? Is it objective to do so? Tell me, but don't convince me. I will believe you if I can.

Now tell me why should I feel self-rightious about my existence. Tell me why this world is my oyster. Tell me why should I be confident but not arrogant. Tell me about my flaws. Tell me about my mistakes. Tell me when I deserve praises. Tell me when I need to stand up for myself. Tell me there is no tomorrow, so I should seize today. Tell me I can, and I will. Tell me nothing can defeat me, even myself. Tell me all life, not man, are created equal. Tell me I am just another role player in this universe. Tell me, but don't convince me. I will believe when I can.

Too Much to Hold on to

I am returning to the origin where my mistakes were present. I collected them, looked at them, and left them about where they were. I couldn't correct them, because they were what made my life a unique one. I spent time to travel back in time just because I could and I wanted to.

I looked at myself and the future await. I couldn't see pass the mysterious dark cloud that mesmerized my mind. I was confused. Everything didn't seem to align yet in harmony. At that moment, I feared the change, and feared the unknown. I chose to go back yet again to the past because it was the safest decision that I could make. Because of that, I have missed many opportunity to hold on to a new begining.

The weight of the past has slowed me down. The future doesn't wait. I dance in between in a circular motion, and hope to get out of this repetition.

Close Away

You have the determination to be away, away from the lights and noises. But you never go too far. The pulses you radiate are so faint yet clear, they are everywhere in the air that I breathe. Always have you stayed close enough for me to feel your presence.

I am dwelling in the lights and noises where you have abandoned. I am residing with the madness of time while you calmly glimpse and smile at from an away land. I am seeing reflections of myself in people's eyes as I pass them, and am wondering: where are you able to reflect yourself? Is it a clear stream in the mountain, is it a tranquil lake, or, as usual, you only reflect yourself deep in your mind? I am missing you. I missing the philosophical eyes of yours. Even though you are only close away. Even though those faint pulses can be felt everywhere I destined to go.

You are close away, so close yet away. I can feel you, but I can't reach you. I am lost in this dizzying maze where each one of us is just another performer on the stage, even though I have been given a well-defined role. I see my reflections in other people's eyes. I see myself being envious of your vision and courage. I see myself being the opposite of you. The opposition is not complete but slight. It is pulling me close to you, close but away.

I am not expecting your return. I am not expecting you to tenderize me as you used to. I am not expecting my enlightenment due to you. With all those said, I choose to follow my script instead of breaking out. At least, I can feel your presence around me. I can grasp on those faint pulses. If I break out of my role, I will lose you, forever.So I rather surround myself with you, even though you are only close away.

Six Months

Six Months

They stood in the shallow water off the bank of Walden Pond. The water was strangely cold, but either of them could feel it. In close embrace, under the sun, they caressed one another gently. The moment was memorable for both of them, but it had been through a long period of emptiness. The last time they got together was exactly six months ago.

Six months of waiting, six months of discontent, and six months of morose were way behind them now. The future looked a bright as the mid-day sun.

It all began last November, when both of them met up in his apartment in Back Bay late at night. Nothing serious had happened, as both of them were polite and reserved, but the future looked just as great as it was six months later. At least, he believed so. Then there came the awkward moments when she was refusing anything from him. He grew bitter and hateful of her shortly after since he got no explanation from her or whatsoever.

More uneasy moment followed a month after, when two of them had to share a class together. Still, no acknowledgment, no conversation, and no emotion were expressed when they walked past each other.

The invisible wall between them began to break as one day they shared the same elevator down from the observatory. A rare smile and a few words were exchanged. Finally, they looked each other in the eyes one more time.

The visit to Walden followed shortly after and eventually led up to an intimacy.

However, the bright future was not guaranteed as two weeks had past since, and she, yet again, refused any further caring from him. She shut the door on him and left his life in chaos. He, on the hand, went back in time to search for every possible mistake made by him, but an answer was never found. Much to his dismay, he encountered she by surprise.

He walked up to her who was avoiding any eye contact, saying, "how have you been"? "Nothing", she said, and hoped to put an end to the conversation. "I was worried", he said, trying to keep the words rolling and getting a chance to understand what had happened. Unfortunately for him, words within her had become stingy. The dead air was cold as a February in Boston, and it only grew colder. Finally, he lost it and muttered "Are you going to say something or what? I don't have all day waiting for anymore single word answer".

"I am ok", she whispered, but was loud and clear to his ears. "Are you happy now? That's three words. That's more than what I can do for you". In disbelief he stood. His face turned into a display of tragedy. He was as speechless as he was crumbled. Worse yet, his sudden tantrum had further prevented him from seeing her trembling body. "I have to go", she said and turned around to walk away from this grave drama.

"So, this is it", he could be seen with a vengeful demon. "Well, then, I wish the very worst of you. I wish you live on like this, in loneliness and chaos. I wish you a sorrowful life and no one will ever care enough to baill you out of it. This is my curse to you if you haven't heard enough of it already". Turning around after he uttered these implacable words, he walked away biting his lips so hard and he started bleeding. Yet no sympathy came across his mind, but only had he seen her tearful eyes right from the beginning this wouldn't had gone so out of control.

The two tormented souls parted into emotional voids that only time could slowly fill up that emptiness.

Time passed, and May had turned into November. The world continued its course, and didn't care to wait for anyone. No matter how much bitterness and sorrow one had carried, one had to move on with them. He, moved to Quincy since, was on the train to downtown in a sunny November day. He looked out to the window from a nearl empty cart, watching the change of season and recalling the changes of his life. Slowly but progressively, he had licked his wounds over and over to a point that he almost recovered. But a coincidence happened as an April Fool's Day moment as the train ducked to the platform. He saw the face that haunted him the past months, the same face that he loved so much yet hated just as much.

She walked into the same cart, and caught up by another surprise encounter. The instance had her relived the sadness, guilt, and emptiness from the past six months. She only revisited all those emotion in a brief second. A smile of his lifted her out of that misery. Much to his surprise, she sat down next to him with the same relieving smile as well. There were no ill feeling between them, and no hatred lingering around them.

"It's our anniversary", he said, and wouldn't move his eyes away from her face. "I know, I have missed you", she said, and followed by a sigh of relieve. "So have I, and I really wanted to apologize for my words six months ago. I wanted to call you, but I didn't know if you would accept my apology". With a grin, she said "I wouldn't have". They both laughed.

"So, am I lifted from your curse"? She asked.

"Yes, you have, at least for now". He answered.

The two then shared the same embrace that they have shared twice in the past twelve months, and they kissed for the first time. The intimacy returned to them again after the long absence, but still it wouldn't hang around any longer as his destination was seconds away. He pulled himself away from this love story, and, to nobody's surprise, she accepted the parting naturally.

"I will see you again". She said, with confidence and bravery that she never had before. This would be the first time that they parted on a good term, and it will leave no agony for him this time with assurance. He said, "yes indeed. Six Month it is".

Shortly after, they both disappeared in this sunny November Day and into the crowd of Boston.