Over

I see
my doubts
clouding me
and put me down.
Getting weak,
backing down,
I fear,
I feel drowned.

Yet
I reach deep,
and find a bit strength.
That may just be what I need.

Set,
I am ready,
stick it to them
and set myself free.

I am over it-
over my shortcoming
Though I could lose everything,
I will keep on trying, til I am dying.

Growing Up

Blades of greens clashed
in the wailing wind and
found no shelter to hide
from the tears of the sky.
The beating marches on
and destruction has begun.
Violently, the rips and rapes
violate them nights and days.
No hopes, no end,
Everything turns from green to gray.

Tell Me

What do you believe and why does it make sense to you? I am wondering, and am wondering out loud. I am not confused, but rather intrigued. How can anyone believes in anything for sure? That being said, why do people believe in justice so much when so many people gets screwed over just because they are poor? Why do we believe in it? What makes us believe in it? That being said, why do we believe in karma? Why do we believe in anything other than a potential consequence of our action? Tell me, but don't convince me. I will believe you as I can.

There are so many things that are unbelievable, including things we cling on the most. Love, hope, destiny, ambition, kindness, just to name a few. Why do we believe in vague concepts? Why do we feel like these things are needed, in order to sustain our life? We are just animals, just another species on this planet. Shouldn't we be following the rule of nature - survival, and stay in harmony with our surroundings? Tell me, but don't convince me. I will believe you just because I can.

There are many things that we hate. Animals, plants, objects, emotion, you name it. But how do we hate something that doesn't hate back? Why do we spend time to waste such energy on such meaningless things? Are beavers really bad for the environment? Are hyenas really evil? Are swamps really dangerous to human? Why do we feel that way? Can we just accept what everything lives as it is? Is it objective to do so? Tell me, but don't convince me. I will believe you if I can.

Now tell me why should I feel self-rightious about my existence. Tell me why this world is my oyster. Tell me why should I be confident but not arrogant. Tell me about my flaws. Tell me about my mistakes. Tell me when I deserve praises. Tell me when I need to stand up for myself. Tell me there is no tomorrow, so I should seize today. Tell me I can, and I will. Tell me nothing can defeat me, even myself. Tell me all life, not man, are created equal. Tell me I am just another role player in this universe. Tell me, but don't convince me. I will believe when I can.

Too Much to Hold on to

I am returning to the origin where my mistakes were present. I collected them, looked at them, and left them about where they were. I couldn't correct them, because they were what made my life a unique one. I spent time to travel back in time just because I could and I wanted to.

I looked at myself and the future await. I couldn't see pass the mysterious dark cloud that mesmerized my mind. I was confused. Everything didn't seem to align yet in harmony. At that moment, I feared the change, and feared the unknown. I chose to go back yet again to the past because it was the safest decision that I could make. Because of that, I have missed many opportunity to hold on to a new begining.

The weight of the past has slowed me down. The future doesn't wait. I dance in between in a circular motion, and hope to get out of this repetition.

Close Away

You have the determination to be away, away from the lights and noises. But you never go too far. The pulses you radiate are so faint yet clear, they are everywhere in the air that I breathe. Always have you stayed close enough for me to feel your presence.

I am dwelling in the lights and noises where you have abandoned. I am residing with the madness of time while you calmly glimpse and smile at from an away land. I am seeing reflections of myself in people's eyes as I pass them, and am wondering: where are you able to reflect yourself? Is it a clear stream in the mountain, is it a tranquil lake, or, as usual, you only reflect yourself deep in your mind? I am missing you. I missing the philosophical eyes of yours. Even though you are only close away. Even though those faint pulses can be felt everywhere I destined to go.

You are close away, so close yet away. I can feel you, but I can't reach you. I am lost in this dizzying maze where each one of us is just another performer on the stage, even though I have been given a well-defined role. I see my reflections in other people's eyes. I see myself being envious of your vision and courage. I see myself being the opposite of you. The opposition is not complete but slight. It is pulling me close to you, close but away.

I am not expecting your return. I am not expecting you to tenderize me as you used to. I am not expecting my enlightenment due to you. With all those said, I choose to follow my script instead of breaking out. At least, I can feel your presence around me. I can grasp on those faint pulses. If I break out of my role, I will lose you, forever.So I rather surround myself with you, even though you are only close away.