If I Drop You

If I ask you to leave,
Does that make me a cruel one?
Even though you can't care enough
To realize your mistakes.
Even though you are the one
Who carries all the faults.
Do anyone understand why I drop you?
Will they eventually know?

I sent you packing
I set you apart.
I sail you away.
I don't want you back,
Even though I'd like to see your face
For one last time.

With you the harmony is out of tune,
No matter how well I play alone.
With you the reasons become illogical,
No matter how much sense I make.
I am just walking around your wreckage,
And picking up pieces of you.
You blew smokes and ashes
Whenever the sky gets clearer.

No more sadness,
No more happiness,
Nothing matters,
because I am free.
I walk alone, I fall alone,
and I care about you no more.

The Sun Will Rise

I..., do not see you
The approaching sunrise
And the white blaze burns.
Just waiting for you.
And do you even realize
The deadly consequences.

You just shove away,
The senses and reasons.
Chasing after blood and joys.
Living for today,
Driven by silent voices,
Play carelessly and aimlessly.

So, you will try to hide,
The end comes at the sunrise.
But where could you make a shelter?
Or.., you choose to die,
Burn to ashes in the daylight.
Be a martyr of forever pleasure.

The black dusts smoke.
Was that what you became?
I just stand, stare, and silence.
The sun just rose.
The forever routine began.
I am indifferent for your vanish

Is this who you are?

Keep silence in the crowd wondering,
Which mask belongs, which smile suits,
The crowd you are indifferently embracing.
Then you put on the make up and fit in.

These are the thoughts that clouds
You every there and every time.
You need the attention of the crowd,
To feel loved and to feel alive.

Your darkness is surpressed and
Threatened into the corner of your heart.
You dare letting it out just when
strange ones are not roaming around.

And it is me who you face without them masks;
Who you dare to put down as your darkness rises.

2 Hours

I walked out of the dark alley, and the rain had come down pouring on me. I was alone, dashing on the sidewalk and passing the bars where many beautiful young girls stood or sat. They were looking for the next spender to take them away from the crowded, alcoholic, and smokey little bars. They were waiting to be taken away to someone's hotel room, and took the money while giving away their right to enjoy love-making. I didn't look too close, and I didn't want to. Two hours inside the dark alley had frozen my brain, and I couldn't come to my senses and reasons every since.



I left my feeling there. I left my love there. That was why I came out of there souless.



Deep in the alley, up after a dark stairway, and in the dark hallway, she greeted me out of the room. She escorted with her hand in mine, and with her face leaned on my shoulder. She walked besides me to the opened door and let go. She waived and smiled. Then I crumbled inside. I realled her question from ealier "are you really gonna packed me up tp go with you"?



"I would if my backpack was big enough". I said, and my words were followed my her laughter. The laughter continued as we talked about our dreams, our life, our family, and our past. She held me closely, and buried my face in her chest. I felt her warmth. I felt her touches all over my body, my face, and my hair. I really wished to have to ability to pack her up and go with me. So I could feel her love and caress her perfectly smooth skin every moment in my life. I wished to have her near me, so she could joke and giggle besides me. Her eyes looked into me, and realized my thought. She realized my wish, and she kissed me. I was worried, she said, I didn't know who was behind the window". I was shocked and asked "you couldn't see the customer" with surprise and sadness. She eyed my emotion and quickly wanted me not to look sad. In the dark room, I have found the most honorable love in the filthiest place one can imagine. Eventually the two-hour was up, and I have no will to part. "You will hold a place in my memory, and I will never forget about you. You said 90% of a man's words are lies, and I have used all 10% of truth for you today". I could see her trembling after my words. She let go of what she was holding temporarily, and came over for a closed embrace. Finally I slowly walked toward the door, and she pulled my hand from behind and kissed me on the lips again. I had a clear look at her face that was filled with appreciation and sadness together. Witnessing this, I went toward her before the door was opened to the dark hallway, and gave her one last kiss on her lips - the smiling lips that blew me away just a little while ago.



A little while ago, shortly after my last tangle with her, she laid awkwardly on my belly and played me. She was so relaxed and bubbly. She talked about her former jobs, and asked me many questions. I was wondering if I was disturbing her clock. "Two hours", she said, "there is a plenty of time left until they knock on the door. Before that knock, I am staying here with you. I like being with you". I pintched and played with her soft and beautiful perks for saying that to me, and she was greatly tickled as she giggled. She smiled at my way of appreciation, and she returned favor with her hands as well. Suddenly she moved. She positioned her face between my thighs, and began slowly slipping her tongue on me. Until that part of me grew big enough, she said "I am not letting go, and I am not stopping at all this time". She then bury me behind her lipsm, and slip up and down slowly. I felt her lips, her tongue, and her throat pushing against me. The stimulation was so high that I started groaning. The little devil then started to turn up her massage, and with every stroke it got faster and harder. I was trying to hold, and try to get myself distracted. But her wild play didn't allow much of that. Finally I coudn't hold back anymore. I exploded all that was left into her. Still she wouldn't let me off the hook that easily. With grunting at its loudest, she was still trying to drain the last drop of me away. Eventually I had nothing left to feed her, and she took the dying me to get cleaned. She washed me gently this time, and then had us dried. "Are you in a rush"? she asked. I gently shook my head, and sat down on the side of the bed. She walked toward me and said "let's talk a little. I wanted you to be with me until the end". Up hearing this I held her and felt her beautiful curves with my hands. I wouldn't want to let go now either. Just like when I first got inside of her moments ago.



The moment part of me was rubber-covered and lubed, she smiled and began to ride on me. I didn't meet with much resistance on my way going inside of her. She was dripping after my finger slipping, and I was an oiled maching thanks to her. On top of me, she shook like a there was no tomorrow. Her moving jugs and curved middle were voilently massaged by my hands. She was in control of me until I could no longer tolerating her on top of me. I sat up and pushed her down. I lifted her long and beautiful legs, so I could get a better penetration. I pounded into her, drilling for more sticky springs. My hands were also searching for a little squeezing and pintching game on her body. I gave all I had to ensure that her moaning was as seductive as it could be. Her fainting cries really hit me hard - so hard that made me decide to take even more command of her. I pulled out, and turned her upside down on the wetted sheet. From behind she took it. From behind I stroke it. She let her fountain drip, and I let me fingers slipped. My inserting stick rolled on and my finger rubbed against her sentitive spot. She curled and wiggled, but I couldn't stop myself from giving her more love. The clashing between she and I was sounding louder in every contact. Until I finally couldn't hold on anymore, she juiced me into the thin plastic that separated us. I laid back and held her in my arms. I kissed her all over to show my appreciation to her until she broke free from me, and cleaned me from my own mess that she helped created. I was really glad that I held on when she first tried to released me, so I could have such a great relief. After the brief cleaning, she came back into my arms letting me play all over her milk chocolate colored skin. "Was I good"? She asked. I reply "You were amazing. You are amazing. I hope everyone will treat you as good as I am. And I will never allow anyone to disrespect or hurt you. Or"! I then stopped. "Or what", she asked with a all-knowing smile. "I will beat them up for you", I said with a laugh. "Oh! How nice of you? Though 90 percent of a man's words are lies, I know," she replied. "I am different", I looked at her gently and emotionally. She seized her talking, and we tangled nakedly. I would never thought to fall in love so easily. I sure didn't think of this when we walked into this room.



After my selection and a short introduction, she took me into one dark room. She began draining hot water into the tub, and pouring in the soap. I was sitting in the corner, and watching her doing her work. A short conversation had me realizing that she was a part time "massage therapist". She was doing this when she had time. She used to be a sales for an international company. She traveled to Japan and China for business, but the pay wasn't much for a little saleswoman. All seemed like a pre-planned story, so I was just listening to her words and replying with my own history. Soon she took off the little things that she wore, and showed her polished skin in front of me. She had a curve of a Greek sculpture. She had milky chocolate skin, wavy long hair, curved buns, and nice little jugs. Her bottom was nicely shaved, and her smile was stunning. She came over to undress me, and touched me while she was removing my clothes. "Beautiful", she said. "So are you," I replied. Then she led me to the tub slowly. I couldn't resist my feeling anymore and grabbed her from behind. I reached her soft peaks, and her wetting valley. I felt her trembles as I hit the spot each time, and was getting more and more excited. She stopped me suddenly, and whispered "come in here, and let me play with you". How could I have said no? I jumped into the heated tub water, and laid down on my back. With soapy water covering me, she began washing me with every inch of her skin. It was the best bath I have ever had as she used her hands, tongue, and bottom lips to brush all over me. She had my blood all rushed to a rising pole. Then she teased and massaged that standing tip with her demonic intend. I had not been touched like this for over ten months, and I almost couldn't hold on to it. She kept wanting to get me juiced, but I refused. I wanted her to save it for later pleasure. Unwillingly she gave up, and pulled me out of the tub. She had me belly down on an air mattress, and started massaging me further with her buns. She was sliding all around my back. I needed this especially after a long day. I began grunting out of pleasure until she flipped me up side down on the mattress. Continuing her sliding, she flattened my standing pole and clamping it between her soaped and wetted bottom lips. She kept rubbing until I begged for a little mercy. With a satisfactory smile, she lifted me up from this pleasuring hell. She spared me from letting all go momentarily, and then washed the soap off me. After some really sensual drying, she put me down on to the bed and continued her effort to vaccum me. She was good at what she was doing, but I continued to fight against her fluting. Pulling out and away from her mesmerizing lips, I tackled her down and spreaded her leg wide. Finally, I had a good view to her shutted flesh. It was beautifully shaven, and amazingly shaped. I slowly opened that nicely closed door, and witnessed some hot juice dripped off. My tongue, like a red snake, moving around and into the cave of dripping springs. I was searching for more to cure my thirst. During my search, she started tickling and twisting. Her light moans wanted to give her more pleasure. So my fingers were joining to make her feel a climax. Inside of her, my bones looked for little bumps - the bumps that stimulate the most for any woman. I found them, and let them feel the wrinkles of my fingers. The frictions of us took her to another level of screaming. She was begging for stop, but I wouldn't let her as she almost successfully exploded me a several time ealier. I moved away my snaking tongue, continued to massage her tightness, and left my hardness next to her thirsty lips. She took that red tip into her, but spitted out when felt any orgasmic shock. Then at a loud cry, she leg muscles tightened, and I knew she reached that heavenly point. She panted and trembled for a little while, then began to take her revenge on me. She pushed me down on the same bed, and whispered "is it time"? I smiled and accepted the challenge. I nodded. I nodded just as when I firsted walked into the dark alley and up the dark stairway a few minutes ago.



I walked into the dark alley, and up the stair cases. I didn't know what to expect. Was it going to be good or bad? I had no idea. All i knew was: it was going to rain soon just like every day else here. It was going to rain big inside and outside. There was no turning back. Upstair some old woman greeted me and rang the girls to go inside the fishbowl. I didn't think too much as I spotted her. I spotted her smile. I spotted her sensuality and kindness. No matter what happened, I decided to give my love to her in the next two hours. So I nodded to the old lady about the first girl on the left. "The first girl from the left", the old lady cried, " good choice sir. It's her first day here".



In that two hours, I cleared all my doubts and left all my love in her. I had no regret at all going in as I was leaving that dark alley. Her scent was quickly washed away from my skin by the pouring rain. But her scent was attached to my memory forever.

Thank You

I am standing here alone, but I am not lonely. There are memories, and there are feelings running inside my head. They are keeping me going, and I am thankful to have them in my life. They keep me going, and they are the reason that I am the way I am.

For giving me birth, for raising me, for taking care of me when I am hurt, and for always being there with me whether at night or day, thank you.

For yelling at me, for being jealous of me, for making fun of me, for every bad joke you were saying about me, and for every good intention that make me better, thanks to you.

For supporting me, for laughing with me, for crying with me, for fighting with me, and for failing with me, for everlasting good memories, I thank you,

For beating me, for punching me, for failing me, for destroying me, and for always coming up with new ideas to restrain me and thus making me stronger, Your efforts are appreciated.

For cheating on me, for lying to me, for hurting me, for loving me, for kissing me, for saving me from loneliness, and for every orgasmic pause, I appreciate it.

For good times, for bad times, for traveling with me, for enjoying live with me, you have my appreciation.

For touching me, for changing me, for giving me a broader view of the world, and for giving me everything without needing a single thing in return, thank you.

Thank you.

Landslide

If I was only a little bit more heartless, I would have walked away from the bar and avoided any further encounter. Yet I was sitting there on the seat tearily, and staring at this emotional cry out from the stage. Next to me was my wife. She knew of the story, but she didn't know anything beyond that. At least, I convinced myself that she knew nothing.

From the stage came a voice that introduced her next song, "I am sure all of you have heard of this song", said the singer. "My Mom used to sing this song to me. And even though I have never heard of Stevie in my childhood, I have heard enough to learn this song. To my mother, this song means as much as I to her. Without the man who taught her this song and saved her from the street, I wouldn't be here. And my beloved Mother wouldn't have given us a chance to survive this long. Even though we are never to see him and thank him again, I wish he is living well somewhere in the world. This song is for him, from my Mother and I".

She plucked the guitar, and the song began to dance around the hall.

"I took my love, I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down

Mirror in the sky, What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

I don't know...

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
I'm getting older too

So take this love, take it down
If you climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide bring it down

And If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide bring it down
Oh the landslide bring it down...."

This wasn't from Stevie Nicks. This came from a young woman whose emotion just affected the whole room. While she was singing, the club was quiet enough that a cough could sound like a thunder. Her voice was clear and convincing. Her feeling made every word in the song alive. Until the end, her crys had brought tears in my eye. For others, applause and cheers didn't express how much they have been affected by her feelings.

In the end of the song my hands are held by my loved one who sat next to me speechlessly. Her eyes were holding thoughts back, but I didn't know what it was. Until we were leaving, she went to pick up the car and left me alone in the club. I took the chance and looked at the young singer. She was looking at me from far away with a smile on her face as if she recognized me. She then nodded to me, and then waved. Her face covered by a fulfilling smile. And I puzzled. Did she really recognized me? And how?

On the way back to our home, I was quiet and distant. After a few turns, my dear wife pulled up to the driveway and stopped. "It has been about twenty years, hasn't it"? She asked. While I was shaking my head, she continued with her words, "by the square an underage girl was pregnant and was abandoned my the father and her family. She was given up her life, but was saved and taken into a shelter by a traveling business man".

"You knew this"? My eyes were opened wide in shock.

"She survived herself and the child in her belly. By that time his one year business exchange ended. He returned to San Francisco to his own family. Monthly, he supported the Mother and her daughter for years. Until about six years later, they have gone missing again. His checks were returned much to his displeasure. The daughter later came to California for school, and had been singing around Berkeley at night. She has been looking for the person who saved she and her Mother's life and gave them reasons to live. Her Mother told her that she could find him around the Bay, but suggested her not to".

She looked me in the eyes while speaking all these words. I was nervous, shaky, and uncomfortable. In the end, she moved over to my side and kissed me. With a smile, I understood everything that she did tonight was for me. I understood the reason that we went to Berkeley for acoustic night; I understood the reason she held my hands after the song; and I understood the reason she went to pick up the car herself. I shook my head with my eyes closed, and felt her hand caressing my trembling face.

"I hope you would forgive me for what I did tonight. But I just thought that young girl deserved a chance to meet with you - the one who made her. She deserved a chance to thank you".

I laid myself in her arms helplessly. Warmth of her heart was keeping me comfortable as ever. I didn't say anything. I didn't think anything needed to be said.

Art Works in Chaos

Nothing affected me more than an influential artwork. It doesn't matter how disturbing, how compelling, how forceful, how annoying, or how gloomy. I always braced myself for emotional shocks that these fine arts raged. This afternoon was no difference.

Have you seen red bubbles drawn in lines that represent a gruesome accident? Have you seen a realistic painting about how human experiment was operated, with some bisect body and a cut-off head? Have you seen an abstract that symbolizes a horrifying war? Have you spent time looking at an aftermath of Hurricane Katrina in drawing? Have you felt a powerful drawing that portrayed a deep gray sky with factories underneath? Have you seen a stripped naked man, strapped with firecracker and red ink, being filmed in front of camera? While each firecracker was exploding, pieces of them and the red ink went gushing. Have you seen this video that showed us how terrible and inhumane gunshot killing is?

I have felt all these emotions all afternoon. I have buried these emotions in my mind. They were haunting me with images and my own imaginations. I was trapped in my own world, and tried to break free from the darkness of my heart.

The darkness of my heart didn't prevail, however, because there were plenty of joys and daylight complementing the negativity, and pulling me away from the dreadful spiral.

There was a woman, symbolizing a house wizard, walking into a door, closing it, and climbing over layers of a wall. There were people, in a video, walking past one another only to show how our living world is just like a hallway. There were lines and dots connecting little galaxies, which made them a little time machines. There were tilted statues that could be straighten while screwed on tight. There were paintings giving me views to waterfalls, mountains, and babmoos. There were many more sarcastic, laughable, cute, and beautiful works shown among series of seriousness.

My emotions were pulled from all directions, and clashed in the middle of my body. I felt the beating, and took time to digest. I walked outside the door, and felt the sunshine and breeze. I looked at the beautiful young models from a graduation project, and were preparing for their runway walk. I saw people running around carelessly, and enjoying life. These scenes added to my thoughts, and slowly merged with other feelings in my head. They entered me, and eventually became mine.

It was great to be able to feel. It was great to be able to think freely. Yet it is the greatest for one to have the ability to digest such vast amount of creativity. I was nowhere near that state, but I was trying.