Happy Ever After

Walking up the stairs, Spence was so unwilling that each step took him a long while. He dragged his feel slowly as if he had a sprained ankle. He avoided taking the elevator to get to his little apartment quicker. He lagged while cleaning his office desk. Every thing he did, he tried in slow motion just to go home a little later.

He knew, at his house, something was going on. Something he had nothing to do with, and something he wanted zero part of it. Just a little later when the last unknown man rolled off his bed and took a stroll out of his apartment entrance, then he had the courage to walk in.

He would walk it to face his wife - Nicky, someone he met at a dance hall and wedded a year ago.

Many times he thought about breaking in as her wife's old customers were visiting, held a base bat in hands, and beat up each one of them. Not only because he was cowardous, but he was keeping a silly promise to his wife. That vow was made when he asked her to leave the business.

Was it easy to imagine a dance hall with young beautiful women paid to accompany rich men? That was where Nicky worked, and built a little reputation and fan club. Being taken out for escort or love-making was somewhat comment due to her young look, dance skills, and sweetness. That caught Spence's eye when a rich, retired friend and his wife brought him to that place. The two met, danced, and had sex. That was it. That laid the way for Spence's continuous revisits.

Couple years passed, Nicky grew tired of the business and wanted out. That was Spence's chance to kept her on his side. Offering honest love and care that Nicky rarely receive, she moved in with Spence and started a new life but only partially.

Spence was an office worker, not a boss who brought in green and gold for Nicky. Previous, wasteful lifestyle caught up to them, and started to cause problems in their relationship. Even though Nicky offered her sweetness and care to Spence night in and night out, Nicky confessed to Spence that love was not enough. She asked for a separation, but Spence refused to let go, so he decided to make the most regretful decision in his life.

Starting work in the early afternoon, Spence possessed a routine life. He worked late to avoid any confrontation or harsh feeling. Enjoyed Nicky's love and kindness. Made love. Slept. Woke up before noon. Meanwhile, Nicky started her appointment time soon after Spence left the house, and always made sure that Spence didn't come home to see any trance of other men. She made sure that her husband was the last and the most honorable customer of the day.

The truce continued after the surprised wedding. No one truly blessed this marriage, especially ones who had thorough understanding of their relationship.

Believe it or not, the balance had been kept on the thin wire. Many times Spence came home in despair and was on the verge to burn the house down. Nicky could, and always would, calm the poor soul down. The dangeous path they took just continue on and on until someday. That day the story changed. Spence didn't drag his feet up the stairs, didn't avoid to take the elevator, and didn't lag on desk cleaning. He looked less dispppointed than usual. Much to Nicky's surprise, he wasn't all into it when she offered her usual caring.

Then she knew the time of her stay was almost up.

Weeks after he added 'ramming the newly hired office clerk' into his daily routine, he found his house empty as he arrived home. It was empty of that smiley face. It was empty of that caring soul. All there left was a slip of note stating the farewell and best wishes. Spence was stunned to the sudden change. There was a hole in his heart as if it was eaten up when he read Nicky's note. But wasn't sad or afraid. All he felt was guilt and a ounce of happiness.

After a short battle, the resistence of guilt was overwhelmed by the happiness. It didnt take long, because he was finally free.

So was Nicky. The short living guilt of leaving the man who she respected the most disappeared very quick. She'd never lack any company or support at least for awhile. And she never had to feel bonded to a man who can only give her 50% happiness. She was finally free and had control of her life.

The two lived happy ever after.

The Lost Child

Who are you, my lovely child?

Standing naked before the mirror

And staring at imaginary flaws,

You caress in such a gentle touch.

However, you can't recognize.

You look lost. You seem teared

Inside that perfect shell and skull.

Contradiction it is, I thought.

Sanity in you has no sign of life.

Reason is buried under sorrows.

You keep fighting a delusive war,

Against a villain you can't crash.

If one the day you realize,

You can gather the broken shards

Of your own pieces and love

Yourself. Then you won't perish.

No more, please, no more lies

About your maturity and spirit.

It's indifferent. My child, move on.

Find your place and select a role.

Burnt Again

Lighted a cigrette and let it burn. That smoke spiraled in an isolated room. Yes, that silky white stink twisted and filled his room. Limited light source seemed red and dangerous. Reflected on his face as if blood gushed on it. He heard mosquitos' wings flapped. The humming insects wouldn't leave him along.

He didn't light the tobacco to expel them bugs. He did so to watch that white, smokey fibers curled in the dim, red light. He imagined only if they would come back. Only if they would come back and see this despair scene. It would drive them wild and mad. Thought about this and he shivered. His tear dropped in fear. Once a strict, silent old man always taight me valuable lesson by action. Once a wordy yet caring female brought him up. Once an older resemblance of himself always reached him when he was weak. Once a beautiful, smiley youngster made him feel like a resposible man. They've all gone.

They have gone into that corner that he drove them into. The corner that he was sitting beside. He let them watch him dance and circle like a poisonous fume. He put red lights on them to make them feel threatened by his own moves. One after another, criticisms and blames were made. One after another, the passion turned cold. One after another, they became strangers to him and left that room. They left him their along to watch the consequence that he resulted.

It was all too late. "Try not to run away from me, please." He shouted, with a muted voice. But no one answered. Ones who would have answered to his cry were already away, and they have never tried to run. Again and again he betrayed their trusts. Only the red light, the dancing smoke, the cigarette, and the mosquitos were left to accompany him in this room. Though it wouldn't be for long.

He cigarette dropped to the carpetted floor, just like the time before.

Self-Reflection

Unable to go back to sleep, she woke to her nightmare. Leaning against the grave, white wall, she was there murmuring to herself. Oh no, not to herself but her shadows on the wall. Against the shards of light came the shards of shades. On the wall they danced and celebrated. They accompanied this poor woman who was drowning in her own sorrow and horror.

There against the wall she sat. She mumbled dreary and weary thoughts to her friends - her very own broken images. Those were also her, but only in different states. Some were happy, some were caring, some were bitter, and some were sarcastic. But all were there to entertain and to bless her dire existence. Yes, dire I said. The woman whose only friends were her own shadows, could be eerie and unapproachable. Some have doubted her ability to survive in the reality.Yet she has not failed to continue her life. Even though continue to live also represent a continuous struggle internally and externally.

One night she broke down. The shards of light no longer came after her nightmare. And there were no longer shards of shades twisting on the wall. She lost her support, her company. Then she lost her will to live after losing her only friends. She just leaned against the wall in the darkness. This time all by herself.

Shards of glasses have your broken images

Sounds of smashes, cries for crashes,

The blood drips down to the flooring

over your doorway and footprints.

You moan and groan in grave disbelief.

There was a sigh and many screams

Filling your time and space, eating

Your brain and the last bit of sanity.

Everything's gone but your misery.

Oh the pieces and shards have fallen

Before what have you saddened.

You knock on whatever has you beaten,

But only to hurt yourself with .

So mourn and cry, let the tears fly.

But they worth nothing before the lies

That is told to you when the tears dry.

Then you listen, you believe, you try

To restore them glass shards, the pieces

Back together like your broken memories.

But they stab when you reattach the glasses,

And all you see is your own broken images.

If I Drop You

If I ask you to leave,
Does that make me a cruel one?
Even though you can't care enough
To realize your mistakes.
Even though you are the one
Who carries all the faults.
Do anyone understand why I drop you?
Will they eventually know?

I sent you packing
I set you apart.
I sail you away.
I don't want you back,
Even though I'd like to see your face
For one last time.

With you the harmony is out of tune,
No matter how well I play alone.
With you the reasons become illogical,
No matter how much sense I make.
I am just walking around your wreckage,
And picking up pieces of you.
You blew smokes and ashes
Whenever the sky gets clearer.

No more sadness,
No more happiness,
Nothing matters,
because I am free.
I walk alone, I fall alone,
and I care about you no more.

The Sun Will Rise

I..., do not see you
The approaching sunrise
And the white blaze burns.
Just waiting for you.
And do you even realize
The deadly consequences.

You just shove away,
The senses and reasons.
Chasing after blood and joys.
Living for today,
Driven by silent voices,
Play carelessly and aimlessly.

So, you will try to hide,
The end comes at the sunrise.
But where could you make a shelter?
Or.., you choose to die,
Burn to ashes in the daylight.
Be a martyr of forever pleasure.

The black dusts smoke.
Was that what you became?
I just stand, stare, and silence.
The sun just rose.
The forever routine began.
I am indifferent for your vanish