Hostage

"Rid your craziness, and we have a life long deal," you said and looked serious ever. I felt your insistence, and made my decision to cut every possible loose attachment. I would do this for you, and only you.

It is an ultimate sacrifice to me, when I break intimacy with those women. I will no longer enjoy the flirt, and no longer look for simple lust. If that life long deal means a prison, then I'll be your immate. If you are to kidnap me, then I will be your hostage.

There will be many things that I can't change, but I do my best to comprimise. My freedom and life are trusted in your hand, and now, I want you to do the same.

Continue to mesmerize me with you caring soul. Keep your faith in me when I falter. Carry me when I crumble. Be honest when I am at fault. And love me, as you are now.

And I will say yes to you.

What you see

Light is on my side.

Darkness is on the other side.

I am possessed by good and evil.

I am divided from the middle.

If you hear me crying,

Will you look down on me?

If you see me outraged,

Can you take that calmly?

What if I am sharing and caring?

Is that truly benefiting?

What if I show courage for life?

Will that be inspiring?

What you see of me?

Is it a whole, or just pieces?

What you see of me?

Am I guilty or clean?

Politics

That corpse rolled off the bed into a collection box. Off it went unconsciously and disappeared shortly from our eye sights. The short silence of condolences ended, and chatters resumed. I heard gossips and I heard after life plans. But I didn't hear many good wishes and farewell.

All I heard was politics.

Politics about how much money to be spent. Politics about which relatives shouldn't have said what. All they talked about had little to do with the death, especially the politics of what day should the memorial be.

Politics, it was such a disappointing element of someone's death. It was all about the remaining offsprings, and all about fortune. Dead people couldn't say no to any interpretations or treatments no matter how ridiculous they were. If the dead had known such sacrilege, would they come back to life and condemn such selfish act?

I would.

Selfish it was. They had to keep the corpse frozen for weeks so the living relatives could avoid retributions and make lots of money. Silliness it was. disgrace it was. Politics it was. I would vomit over the ideas and thoughts, and I nearly broke down and faint. Looked at the body-carrying box, I wished for no more torment from the living.

No more politics.

Happy Ever After

Walking up the stairs, Spence was so unwilling that each step took him a long while. He dragged his feel slowly as if he had a sprained ankle. He avoided taking the elevator to get to his little apartment quicker. He lagged while cleaning his office desk. Every thing he did, he tried in slow motion just to go home a little later.

He knew, at his house, something was going on. Something he had nothing to do with, and something he wanted zero part of it. Just a little later when the last unknown man rolled off his bed and took a stroll out of his apartment entrance, then he had the courage to walk in.

He would walk it to face his wife - Nicky, someone he met at a dance hall and wedded a year ago.

Many times he thought about breaking in as her wife's old customers were visiting, held a base bat in hands, and beat up each one of them. Not only because he was cowardous, but he was keeping a silly promise to his wife. That vow was made when he asked her to leave the business.

Was it easy to imagine a dance hall with young beautiful women paid to accompany rich men? That was where Nicky worked, and built a little reputation and fan club. Being taken out for escort or love-making was somewhat comment due to her young look, dance skills, and sweetness. That caught Spence's eye when a rich, retired friend and his wife brought him to that place. The two met, danced, and had sex. That was it. That laid the way for Spence's continuous revisits.

Couple years passed, Nicky grew tired of the business and wanted out. That was Spence's chance to kept her on his side. Offering honest love and care that Nicky rarely receive, she moved in with Spence and started a new life but only partially.

Spence was an office worker, not a boss who brought in green and gold for Nicky. Previous, wasteful lifestyle caught up to them, and started to cause problems in their relationship. Even though Nicky offered her sweetness and care to Spence night in and night out, Nicky confessed to Spence that love was not enough. She asked for a separation, but Spence refused to let go, so he decided to make the most regretful decision in his life.

Starting work in the early afternoon, Spence possessed a routine life. He worked late to avoid any confrontation or harsh feeling. Enjoyed Nicky's love and kindness. Made love. Slept. Woke up before noon. Meanwhile, Nicky started her appointment time soon after Spence left the house, and always made sure that Spence didn't come home to see any trance of other men. She made sure that her husband was the last and the most honorable customer of the day.

The truce continued after the surprised wedding. No one truly blessed this marriage, especially ones who had thorough understanding of their relationship.

Believe it or not, the balance had been kept on the thin wire. Many times Spence came home in despair and was on the verge to burn the house down. Nicky could, and always would, calm the poor soul down. The dangeous path they took just continue on and on until someday. That day the story changed. Spence didn't drag his feet up the stairs, didn't avoid to take the elevator, and didn't lag on desk cleaning. He looked less dispppointed than usual. Much to Nicky's surprise, he wasn't all into it when she offered her usual caring.

Then she knew the time of her stay was almost up.

Weeks after he added 'ramming the newly hired office clerk' into his daily routine, he found his house empty as he arrived home. It was empty of that smiley face. It was empty of that caring soul. All there left was a slip of note stating the farewell and best wishes. Spence was stunned to the sudden change. There was a hole in his heart as if it was eaten up when he read Nicky's note. But wasn't sad or afraid. All he felt was guilt and a ounce of happiness.

After a short battle, the resistence of guilt was overwhelmed by the happiness. It didnt take long, because he was finally free.

So was Nicky. The short living guilt of leaving the man who she respected the most disappeared very quick. She'd never lack any company or support at least for awhile. And she never had to feel bonded to a man who can only give her 50% happiness. She was finally free and had control of her life.

The two lived happy ever after.

The Lost Child

Who are you, my lovely child?

Standing naked before the mirror

And staring at imaginary flaws,

You caress in such a gentle touch.

However, you can't recognize.

You look lost. You seem teared

Inside that perfect shell and skull.

Contradiction it is, I thought.

Sanity in you has no sign of life.

Reason is buried under sorrows.

You keep fighting a delusive war,

Against a villain you can't crash.

If one the day you realize,

You can gather the broken shards

Of your own pieces and love

Yourself. Then you won't perish.

No more, please, no more lies

About your maturity and spirit.

It's indifferent. My child, move on.

Find your place and select a role.

Burnt Again

Lighted a cigrette and let it burn. That smoke spiraled in an isolated room. Yes, that silky white stink twisted and filled his room. Limited light source seemed red and dangerous. Reflected on his face as if blood gushed on it. He heard mosquitos' wings flapped. The humming insects wouldn't leave him along.

He didn't light the tobacco to expel them bugs. He did so to watch that white, smokey fibers curled in the dim, red light. He imagined only if they would come back. Only if they would come back and see this despair scene. It would drive them wild and mad. Thought about this and he shivered. His tear dropped in fear. Once a strict, silent old man always taight me valuable lesson by action. Once a wordy yet caring female brought him up. Once an older resemblance of himself always reached him when he was weak. Once a beautiful, smiley youngster made him feel like a resposible man. They've all gone.

They have gone into that corner that he drove them into. The corner that he was sitting beside. He let them watch him dance and circle like a poisonous fume. He put red lights on them to make them feel threatened by his own moves. One after another, criticisms and blames were made. One after another, the passion turned cold. One after another, they became strangers to him and left that room. They left him their along to watch the consequence that he resulted.

It was all too late. "Try not to run away from me, please." He shouted, with a muted voice. But no one answered. Ones who would have answered to his cry were already away, and they have never tried to run. Again and again he betrayed their trusts. Only the red light, the dancing smoke, the cigarette, and the mosquitos were left to accompany him in this room. Though it wouldn't be for long.

He cigarette dropped to the carpetted floor, just like the time before.

Self-Reflection

Unable to go back to sleep, she woke to her nightmare. Leaning against the grave, white wall, she was there murmuring to herself. Oh no, not to herself but her shadows on the wall. Against the shards of light came the shards of shades. On the wall they danced and celebrated. They accompanied this poor woman who was drowning in her own sorrow and horror.

There against the wall she sat. She mumbled dreary and weary thoughts to her friends - her very own broken images. Those were also her, but only in different states. Some were happy, some were caring, some were bitter, and some were sarcastic. But all were there to entertain and to bless her dire existence. Yes, dire I said. The woman whose only friends were her own shadows, could be eerie and unapproachable. Some have doubted her ability to survive in the reality.Yet she has not failed to continue her life. Even though continue to live also represent a continuous struggle internally and externally.

One night she broke down. The shards of light no longer came after her nightmare. And there were no longer shards of shades twisting on the wall. She lost her support, her company. Then she lost her will to live after losing her only friends. She just leaned against the wall in the darkness. This time all by herself.